JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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