You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
