This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
