I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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