my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
