guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
