If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
