My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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