my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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