It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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