yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
