Sponge bath it is.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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