another moral hangover. fuck.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
