Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
