We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
