When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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