Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
