i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
