i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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