Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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