i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
