Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
