I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He better not be in your backpack
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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