Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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