i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
