it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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