At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
