A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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