I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
