arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
