Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
