Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
