I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My friends, they love my intelligence
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
