I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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