Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
