i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
