so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
