so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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