Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
