I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
