Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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