I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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