I feel great
I just peed on a car
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
