I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Come on in and take your pants off
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