haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
