Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
