Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
