Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
