I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
40s are totally the cure
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
