My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
