I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
